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Odin's Journey


2 Weeks 1 Day

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We have officially crossed the 2 week threshold. I made it 24 hours without crying. By crying I mean physical tears, the sting behind my eyes was still there every once in a while. The knot was still stuck in my throat.

I returned to work on Thursday. My first full day back since he left.

It was one of the worst days of work I have had in a long time. I cried while talking to a co-worker about how I was really feeling rather than giving the fake “I’m alright” just so I don’t have to talk about it. I called that client to thank her for the card and offer Odin’s left over Heartgard for her pup. I cried when I heard her voice. I closed my eyes as I passed the room I said my final good bye to him in. There were a few times I needed to close my eyes and try to catch my breath as he crossed my mind. Being in the building made me think of him. He spent so many days here with me trying to get better and every one of those days he was so happy to be there no matter what happened.

After work I rushed out the door to my tattoo appointment. I had to reschedule the original time due to the hives. I sat on the tattoo table as the artist showed me the sketch of Odin’s paw print. I smiled tightly as he placed the print on my ankle. When we started I didn’t feel any pain. I thought for a second that maybe my turmoil from the entire day had just made me numb, but this was also my 6th tattoo so it doesn’t phase me anymore. The artist asked me how old my pup was when he passed. I briefly told him Odin’s story, fighting tears the entire time. There was something therapeutic about the entire experience. The paw print couldn’t have turned out more perfect.

I’ve been trying really hard to talk more about Odin in hopes that the sting will ease. Thursday night I told my husband, for the first time, how much I missed our boy. Later, I sat on the couch and told my mom about how much I missed him. It stung every time.

Friday morning I was putting my make up on as my mom and I chatted. I came to the conclusion that losing Odin was like, for lack of a better example, losing a limb of my own. I needed to learn to walk again on my own, which seems impossible without him. He was my soul mate and I feel completely cheated by this disease that took him away from me.

I am the surgery tech for Friday at work and on my second day back I saw that I had a grooming on the schedule. A 9 yr old rottweiler. My heart sank a little. I wasn’t ready for this, but I needed to be. Clearly the universe was trying to push me because I couldn’t do it myself. The big guy came in and we went through the motions. As I bathed him I told him about my Odin. I told him that he had never been a fan of baths either. After the bath we went outside to have a potty break, he chose to just sit in the grass to take a breather. I patted his big head and rubbed his ears just as I did for Odin so many times. At the end of the day his mom and dad came to pick him up. During check out the subject of Odin was brought up and I explained that I had recently lost him to cancer. Both clients were extremely empathetic of the entire situation. When I brought the big buy out to be reunited with his parents, his mom pulled me in for a big hug and then his dad gave me a kiss on the cheek thanking me for taking such good care of his boy. They both said if I ever needed it, they would bring their pup in specially for me. I was able to keep a smile the entire time, but when they left I had to let a few tears fall.

A part of me wonders if I’ll ever get through a day of work with out my heart falling into my stomach. The anger has subsided for now, but the agony of grief is still very real. I look at his pictures every day. Every night I place my hand on his box and tell him goodnight. Daily I’ll get on the floor with Freya and Tyr just to pet, hug, kiss and hold them.

Freya is still having just as hard of a time as I am. Her eating habits are not great. She lies in the basement alone most of the day. I contacted my friend who adopted Freya’s litter mate and we set up a play date for the two of them. I’m hoping it will help pull Freya from her slump. I don’t think I ever told Freya’s story on here. In 2013 my husband and I took on ten 3 week old husky puppies that were found under a shed after their mom was shot. The litter was eventually split up into two groups of 5 puppies. I kept 5 and another foster took on the other half. Bottle feeding 10 puppies was more than I could do so for their own good they needed to be split. Odin was by my side every step of the way. He would get up with me every 2 hours, follow me into the room they were all in and lay on my feet as I fed and pottied each one. He was there when they opened their eyes for the first time and gave reassuring kisses after their first baths. Freya has known Odin since the day she could finally see, so when he passed on I knew she was going to take it hard.

This is little Freya being bottle fed.

He was always my gentle giant. He loved his pups and he loved his kitty…..he even loved the baby chickens we hatched one time….our house is a zoo.

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 4th, 2017 at 3:38 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

5 Responses to “2 Weeks 1 Day”

  1. Michelle
    3:42 pm on September 4th, 2017      Reply

    Thank you for sharing your feeling with us. This part is so hard. It takes time. No one can say how long it will hurt. It has been 4 years for me with Sassy. Yes, the tears ended and pain lessened. I still have days that I really miss my girl.

    Thank you for sharing all these wonderful pictures of Odin with us. I love the tattoo of his paw print.

    Michelle & Angel Sassy

  2. kazann
    5:49 pm on September 4th, 2017      Reply

    As I read about your sadness and tears my chest got heavy. I share in your pain. Please know that others understand your grief.

    Those are wonderful photos of Freya and Odin. A play date for Freya is a great idea. Maybe you need one too?

    Take care,
    Kerren and Tripawd Kitty Mona

  3. benny55
    3:18 am on September 5th, 2017      Reply

    We understand and we are so glad you come here to Odin’s blog to stay connectr and to share more about Odin. He really, really, really is such a sweet and kind Soul.

    Seeing those pictures of Odin with the puppies…with his Freya…so sweet. I love the photo where he and Freya are laying side by side. You can just see the bond. I’m so glad Odin was there to help you with those puppies. I just wish the person who shot their Mom could have been caught and prosecuted.

    It has to be especially hard to go to work with sooo many reminders of Odin. I’m glad he let you know he was always happy to be there though. He knew it meant being with youand that was fine with him.

    How sweet of the client to offer to bring their Rottie to see you. The love you have for Odin is apparent to EVERYONE!!
    Yeah, the lump in your throat, the knot in your stomach, not being able to sleep, not being able to get up, crying coming and going, little sobs, waves of grief sobs, numbness, moving through the day on autopilot….yeah….grief sucks.

    Just continue to go from one minute to the next. And connect here often. We always love hearing about Odin and seeing his precious pictures. Although looking at pictures of Happy Hannah at first was bittersweet, they always reminded me of happy times. And being reminded of happy times is EXACTLY what Odin wants you to do. One minute at a smile at a time.

    With love
    Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

  4. misterrustybucket
    6:51 pm on September 5th, 2017      Reply

    Caitlin and Angel Odin,
    What a sweet post. I really like the tattoo and am sure it will be a great comfort to you to have that with you all the time. I wanted to tell you that Rusty and I were up at the rehab vet where you took Odin and we could imagine you walking right there and wanted you to know that we were thinking of you and wishing your heart well.
    I loved the pictures of Odin with the puppies and the chicks! How precious. He’s just the sweetest boy. I think it is great that you are talking about him. For me telling stories and saying my kiddos names keeps them alive and present in my life every day. I talk to Lucy’s ashes too and tell her goodnight along with Mister Rusty. I hope it helps you to talk about Odin. I also love getting to know more about him and your other dogs, they all seem very special.
    Big hugs,
    ❤️ Amy & Rusty

  5. Super Stu!
    12:12 am on September 6th, 2017      Reply

    Caitlin & Angel Odin,
    Such beautiful pictures! I also am glad that you are finding the strength to talk about him, it really does hold him close to you.
    Grief does suck! But if we didn’t grieve so deeply, how could we know that we loved them THAT MUCH! In a way, I’m sorta glad that I feel so deeply still for my babies that have crossed over, it means that they are still real to me and that I can still feel (for) them!
    My heart goes out to you my dear, take it one step at a time, but remember that Odin would not want you to be sad for him for too long, he obviously gave you so much joy while he was with you, his spirit would only want you to feel that joy for him again!
    Hugs and best wishes to you.
    Sloppy kisses from Stewie👅🐾
    & all the very best from his adoring pack,
    Petra, Paul, Mr. Spike, Chester Molester & Miss Lily 🐾🐾🐾❤️

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