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Odin's Journey


It Hurts Tonight…


October 12th, 2017 Posted 3:00 am


I needed you more than ever today. I hope you’re doing okay, because I’m not.

I love you bud.

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Fall is officially here….


October 2nd, 2017 Posted 1:27 am

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Happy National Black Dog Day!

Last Sunday I decided to go over to my friend Hannah’s house who is the mom of Odin’s best friend Solomon. I felt seeing Solly would help ease some of the heartache that is still so very real. I hadn’t seen him in probably close to 2 years thanks to moving, a baby and Odin. I felt so good to see him lose his mind when I walked in. Solomon has gained a sister that I was able to finally meet. She definitely wanted to be the center of attention the entire visit, but Solomon got most of my love.

Tuesday night was rough. It was like everything hit me all over again. I realized that my mind keeps telling me that Odin has just gone away for a while and then I realize he’s not coming back. That night was one of those moments. I can’t pin point exactly why it happened, but it was hard. Seeing his empty dish, the meds in the cupboard when I took a tupperware out, looking at my necklace with his ID tag on it when I set it on my night stand; it all killed me. I spent a good hour scrolling through pictures of him wishing I could scratch his head. I’m still feeling really lost with out him.

I framed a picture of him and his paw print for my office. Now there is a piece of him in there when I’m working on my random stuff. My husband ran the Twin Cities Marathon today. It was cold, rainy and miserable, but also refreshing. I don’t know why, but breathing in the cold air of Fall is therapeutic in a way. I never feel like I can breathe when the air is thick and humid. I’ve been able to get through the day without crying now. I think the record has been 2 days, but I still think about him 24/7. I actually dreamt about the ash collection two nights ago. I’m still waiting for him to make an appearance. I chalk it up to him having way too much fun across the bridge with the rottweilers that came before him or maybe the unresolved grief is blocking the connection. I keep looking for his signs that everyone keeps telling me he’ll send, but I just can’t seem to see them.

I ordered a cremation necklace a week ago. The ash collection kit should be here by tomorrow. It will be a while before I receive the necklace, but I will post pictures once it’s here. The artist who is making it seems like an amazing woman. She requests a picture with a description of what the pet was like and favorite memories, as well as music that I listen to. Maybe this will be the final piece I need for closure.

I miss him.

My absolute favorite picture of Odin and I.


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1 Month Across the Rainbow Bridge


September 20th, 2017 Posted 2:45 am

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Today marks 1 month since Odin crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I wish I could say it has gotten easier. I guess it kind of has. I can at least talk about him. Saturday night my husband and I went to a wedding. When we got home we sat up and talked until midnight. I opened up about how badly I was struggling with out Odin. He reminded me that the way Odin passed away is something every owner hopes for. Odin died peacefully in his sleep on his bed. I didn’t have to make the decision for him. Tommy mentioned that even though I always said I would do right by him, I would have never been able to make that call. He was right. Odin didn’t want me to have to decide, so he made the decision for me. I told him about the loneliness. To feel lonely in a house with 2 dogs, a cat and a baby seems absurd, but it’s the truth. Every time I turned around that giant goof ball was right there. We used to joke that we had a Norma and Norman Bates thing going on. Even if I sat in the living room, where he wasn’t allowed, he would lay by the gate in a certain position so that he could still see me. He would hang his head over the gate and arch his neck to watch me as I walked up the stairs. His absolute favorite place to be was my office. He had his bed in there by my desk, he would lie next to me as I spent countless hours on my computer. In our old house he got to sleep in our room. Every morning Tommy would get up to shower before work and Odin would immediately jump up onto the bed in his spot. I would wrap my arms and legs around him like a monkey or he would lay his huge head on my chest and snore in my face. So basically, he was obsessed with me and I couldn’t help but love every second of it.

His urn came yesterday. I waited to open it until I laid the baby down for a nap. It weighed a crap ton, solid black marble. It’s absolutely perfect. I transferred his ashes then sat in silence with the urn in my lap. I rested my palms on the top of it as the sting behind my eyes returned. The knot in my throat followed. I rested my forehead where my hands were and cried….and cried and cried and cried. I hugged that giant marble box as tight as I could. Once the sob fest was over I placed the urn on the table under our projector screen, in the living room I spend most of my time in, where he wasn’t allowed when he was here physically. Now he doesn’t have to strain his neck to see me. He’s right in front of me.

I’ve decided to share a few of my favorite pictures of him, obviously these aren’t all of them I will share more as I keep posting.

Odin and his dad the night he came home.

Odin’s first bath

Caught red pawed

Odin and his daddy

Odin, his best friend Solomon and I doing what we do best (the Puppy Bowl wore us out)

A literal dog pile in bed at the old house.

His favorite place. My office with me and his siblings.

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In the silence of night


September 13th, 2017 Posted 2:48 am

I am missing him more than ever today. UPS dropped a box at my door this morning. I was hoping it was the urn but as I approached the door, I suddenly started hoping it wasn’t. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t ready to see those ashes again and the thought of moving them killed me. Thankfully it was a package for Tommy.

I just want to wrap my arms around his neck like I have so many times in the last 6 years. He was always there when I was hurting so badly. I keep telling myself he’s still around, but it’s not good enough. I want to snuggle with him again. I was hoping I’d have a dream about him by now, but it hasn’t happened.

I keep second guessing myself. 3 weeks later and I’m still doing that. I’ve run through every scenario and every hint I may have missed that maybe would have made me diagnose the cancer sooner and then I could have saved him. Maybe I should have done a blood transfusion that night. Would that have made a difference? I was supposed to have a year and a half post amp. Not 2 months. I hope he knows I didn’t mean to miss any signs. I tried the best I could.

I fought as hard as I could for him so that he didn’t have to….

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Freya and I Got Out

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September 12th, 2017 Posted 1:57 am

Last Thursday I walked into work with the same heavy heart that I’ve been carrying around for the past 3 weeks. Odin’s surgeon was scheduled to come in to do a surgery on a small dog. I haven’t seen him since Odin passed and I don’t believe he knows about it. I dreaded telling him because of how guilty he felt about not seeing the mass when he did the knee surgery back in February. The surgery he was coming in for ended up being canceled for that day.

I donated Odin’s Heartgard to the client who gave me the card, but I still had his Frontline that was out of Freya’s weight range. I was able to find a client to donate it to. For some reason putting the box in the chart for the client to pick up really hit me hard. That familiar sting behind my eyes started up and the lump in my throat returned. After work I had an appointment with my therapist. The first one since Odin died. I’ve been seeing her for a while due to an on going battle with Post-partum depression, 2017 hasn’t been my year.

When I sat down, the first thing she asked me was how I had been. The tears beat my words. “Well, my dog died” is what I said. There was an uncomfortable silence that felt like it went on for hours, but really it was only a few seconds. We immediately dove into the grief and how to handle it as well as taking care of myself as far as the PPD goes.

It’s not fair to feel so lonely when I’m constantly surrounded by amazing people and my 2 other pups. I’ve went from not talking about Odin to not talking about him enough. I can now say his name without tears, but my heart aches every time. I miss petting him so much. I miss asking him for a kiss and him giving me one, it was always my favorite thing I trained him to do.

I took Freya over to her brother’s house on Saturday. She was beside herself when she saw him. The two of them ran and ran and ran. They wrestled and chased each other. I felt so good to see her in all her husky glory. Seeing her brother really helped me too. Hugging him and kissing him felt so good. It’s as if he knew Freya and I were both hurting. His mom and I sat in lounge chairs in the grass as the two of them played for 3 hours. When we got home Freya was completely exhausted. I’ve seen her light come back a little bit. I think she’s on the mend.


Freya and her brother Cheeto

Cheeto and Freya deciding to switch moms. Featuring: Cheeto’s beautiful blue eyes!

Odin’s custom urn I ordered should be shipping out this week so hopefully I’ll have it soon. I hope having a proper urn for him will bring some closure, but I had thought getting his ashes back would do that and it didn’t. I also thought that maybe the tattoo would bring some closure, but it didn’t. Maybe I just need all 3 things to happen and then I’ll feel better. Who knows at this point.

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