Odin

Post-Op

Odin laid on the floor of his run, completely out of it. I stared at him and found peace that, even though he was one limb less and completely high, he wasn’t hurting. My co worker and I loaded him onto a stretcher, carried him out the back door of the clinic and put him in my car. His surgery had been done so late in the day that he had no time to come out of it. The car ride home was silent as my mind went blank. I was completely numb from the entire day. All I wanted was a beer and to go to bed.

I pulled into my driveway to find my husband and mom waiting for us. My husband and I carried Odin in and transfered him from the stretcher to his bed. Then the flood gates opened. Tears poured out of my eyes as I held his head in my lap. “I’m so sorry” I whispered over and over into his ear. He just closed his eyes and sighed relief that he was home.

After bathing my 7 month old daughter and putting her to bed I went to the closest Walgreens. I loaded up on Lidocaine patches and candy bars. The clerk looked at my purchases, then at me. “These will definitely make you feel better” he said. Before I thought about it I blurted “The patches aren’t for me. My dog got his leg amputated today, but the candy bars are for me.” The clerk just stared at me like he didn’t know what to say. I guess he wasn’t expecting my reply. But who would?

When I got home I applied the patches after taking him outside which proved to be a challenge. He kept looking at his incision as if he was wondering where his leg was. He wouldn’t go potty so I brought him back inside. I tried to help him get comfortable but something happened and he yelped. My heart sank. I apologized several times as I adjusted his back end so he wasn’t lying on the bad side. I hugged him tight and told him I loved him then let him go as I went upstairs to bed.

The next day went smoothly for he just rested on his bed. Day two did not goes as smoothly. As I got ready for Father’s Day I heard a large thump, Odin crying and my husband making up new swear words. Odin had slipped on his way outside and fell. I sprinted through the house and helped pick him up. A few hours later bruising appeared all the way up his abdomen. The guilt was overwhelming.

I did this to him.

Later that evening I laid in bed unable to sleep. The anxiety was heavy in my chest and the guilt took over my mind. I opened my best friend Google to look up what else I could possibly do for him on top of the pain meds, ice packs, bedding and non slip surfaces. The first thing to come up? Tripawds. I spent the next hour reading and exploring. I couldn’t believe that the way I felt was normal and that other people felt like I did. I had no idea what kind of emotional toll this amputation was going to take on me.

I needed help.

Tags: amputation, amputee, rottweiler, Tripawd

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