Odin

2 Weeks 1 Day

We have officially crossed the 2 week threshold. I made it 24 hours without crying. By crying I mean physical tears, the sting behind my eyes was still there every once in a while. The knot was still stuck in my throat.

I returned to work on Thursday. My first full day back since he left.

It was one of the worst days of work I have had in a long time. I cried while talking to a co-worker about how I was really feeling rather than giving the fake “I’m alright” just so I don’t have to talk about it. I called that client to thank her for the card and offer Odin’s left over Heartgard for her pup. I cried when I heard her voice. I closed my eyes as I passed the room I said my final good bye to him in. There were a few times I needed to close my eyes and try to catch my breath as he crossed my mind. Being in the building made me think of him. He spent so many days here with me trying to get better and every one of those days he was so happy to be there no matter what happened.

After work I rushed out the door to my tattoo appointment. I had to reschedule the original time due to the hives. I sat on the tattoo table as the artist showed me the sketch of Odin’s paw print. I smiled tightly as he placed the print on my ankle. When we started I didn’t feel any pain. I thought for a second that maybe my turmoil from the entire day had just made me numb, but this was also my 6th tattoo so it doesn’t phase me anymore. The artist asked me how old my pup was when he passed. I briefly told him Odin’s story, fighting tears the entire time. There was something therapeutic about the entire experience. The paw print couldn’t have turned out more perfect.

I’ve been trying really hard to talk more about Odin in hopes that the sting will ease. Thursday night I told my husband, for the first time, how much I missed our boy. Later, I sat on the couch and told my mom about how much I missed him. It stung every time.

Friday morning I was putting my make up on as my mom and I chatted. I came to the conclusion that losing Odin was like, for lack of a better example, losing a limb of my own. I needed to learn to walk again on my own, which seems impossible without him. He was my soul mate and I feel completely cheated by this disease that took him away from me.

I am the surgery tech for Friday at work and on my second day back I saw that I had a grooming on the schedule. A 9 yr old rottweiler. My heart sank a little. I wasn’t ready for this, but I needed to be. Clearly the universe was trying to push me because I couldn’t do it myself. The big guy came in and we went through the motions. As I bathed him I told him about my Odin. I told him that he had never been a fan of baths either. After the bath we went outside to have a potty break, he chose to just sit in the grass to take a breather. I patted his big head and rubbed his ears just as I did for Odin so many times. At the end of the day his mom and dad came to pick him up. During check out the subject of Odin was brought up and I explained that I had recently lost him to cancer. Both clients were extremely empathetic of the entire situation. When I brought the big buy out to be reunited with his parents, his mom pulled me in for a big hug and then his dad gave me a kiss on the cheek thanking me for taking such good care of his boy. They both said if I ever needed it, they would bring their pup in specially for me. I was able to keep a smile the entire time, but when they left I had to let a few tears fall.

A part of me wonders if I’ll ever get through a day of work with out my heart falling into my stomach. The anger has subsided for now, but the agony of grief is still very real. I look at his pictures every day. Every night I place my hand on his box and tell him goodnight. Daily I’ll get on the floor with Freya and Tyr just to pet, hug, kiss and hold them.

Freya is still having just as hard of a time as I am. Her eating habits are not great. She lies in the basement alone most of the day. I contacted my friend who adopted Freya’s litter mate and we set up a play date for the two of them. I’m hoping it will help pull Freya from her slump. I don’t think I ever told Freya’s story on here. In 2013 my husband and I took on ten 3 week old husky puppies that were found under a shed after their mom was shot. The litter was eventually split up into two groups of 5 puppies. I kept 5 and another foster took on the other half. Bottle feeding 10 puppies was more than I could do so for their own good they needed to be split. Odin was by my side every step of the way. He would get up with me every 2 hours, follow me into the room they were all in and lay on my feet as I fed and pottied each one. He was there when they opened their eyes for the first time and gave reassuring kisses after their first baths. Freya has known Odin since the day she could finally see, so when he passed on I knew she was going to take it hard.

This is little Freya being bottle fed.

He was always my gentle giant. He loved his pups and he loved his kitty…..he even loved the baby chickens we hatched one time….our house is a zoo.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 4th, 2017 at 3:38 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.