Odin

Freya and I Got Out

Last Thursday I walked into work with the same heavy heart that I’ve been carrying around for the past 3 weeks. Odin’s surgeon was scheduled to come in to do a surgery on a small dog. I haven’t seen him since Odin passed and I don’t believe he knows about it. I dreaded telling him because of how guilty he felt about not seeing the mass when he did the knee surgery back in February. The surgery he was coming in for ended up being canceled for that day.

I donated Odin’s Heartgard to the client who gave me the card, but I still had his Frontline that was out of Freya’s weight range. I was able to find a client to donate it to. For some reason putting the box in the chart for the client to pick up really hit me hard. That familiar sting behind my eyes started up and the lump in my throat returned. After work I had an appointment with my therapist. The first one since Odin died. I’ve been seeing her for a while due to an on going battle with Post-partum depression, 2017 hasn’t been my year.

When I sat down, the first thing she asked me was how I had been. The tears beat my words. “Well, my dog died” is what I said. There was an uncomfortable silence that felt like it went on for hours, but really it was only a few seconds. We immediately dove into the grief and how to handle it as well as taking care of myself as far as the PPD goes.

It’s not fair to feel so lonely when I’m constantly surrounded by amazing people and my 2 other pups. I’ve went from not talking about Odin to not talking about him enough. I can now say his name without tears, but my heart aches every time. I miss petting him so much. I miss asking him for a kiss and him giving me one, it was always my favorite thing I trained him to do.

I took Freya over to her brother’s house on Saturday. She was beside herself when she saw him. The two of them ran and ran and ran. They wrestled and chased each other. I felt so good to see her in all her husky glory. Seeing her brother really helped me too. Hugging him and kissing him felt so good. It’s as if he knew Freya and I were both hurting. His mom and I sat in lounge chairs in the grass as the two of them played for 3 hours. When we got home Freya was completely exhausted. I’ve seen her light come back a little bit. I think she’s on the mend.

Freya and her brother Cheeto

Cheeto and Freya deciding to switch moms. Featuring: Cheeto’s beautiful blue eyes!

Odin’s custom urn I ordered should be shipping out this week so hopefully I’ll have it soon. I hope having a proper urn for him will bring some closure, but I had thought getting his ashes back would do that and it didn’t. I also thought that maybe the tattoo would bring some closure, but it didn’t. Maybe I just need all 3 things to happen and then I’ll feel better. Who knows at this point.

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