It’s been a while since I popped in. I’ve been reading everything on the Tripawds Facebook page though, just to stay up to date. This week has been a rough one. Odin’s 7th birthday is on Sunday and I’m having mixed emotions. In our house we celebrate the pets’ birthdays just like we do with our own. I make some sort of treat, do a yearly photo and what not. I plan to still make a treat to celebrate him. I feel like I’m back pedaling this week. I was feeling more at peace with Odin’s passing and suddenly now I feel like I’m back to square one. The sadess, anger and denial is still very real.
Every day he crosses my mind. Honestly, and this may sound harsh, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling like this. I’m sick of obsessing over him and remembering that he’s literally never coming back no matter how hard I pray and wish and hope. It’s not going to happen. I feel so chained down in my grief. I don’t mean this in a way that is disrespectful of his memory, I’m just tired. No matter how many times I share his story, his photos and my feelings it doesn’t help.
This week I logged into Facebook to do my usual nosy scrolling and I had a notification I was tagged in a post. I get tagged in a lot of rescue things and rottweiler related things since I am active in those communities. I took a look at the post and my mouth actually dropped. A rescue posted the story of an 8 month old rottweiler who was in their care and looking for an adoptive home. He had been found with a shattered knee and the surgeons couldn’t fix it so they amputated. It was the same leg Odin had lost and this young pup looked so much like him. My heart started racing and I could feel the tears coming. If his age is correct, he was born only a few weeks before Odin crossed the bridge and he was being presented to me a mere days before Odin’s birthday. I ran up the stairs and woke my husband up in tears. Ofcourse he thought someone in the family had died so he was panicking as I went through my phone desperately trying to find the post again to show him. He was speechless. He just kept reading the story over and over while looking at the pictures. He asked me what I wanted to do and I had no answer for him. I just wanted someone to look at these pictures and feel the way I felt. Tommy told me to just let the feelings out then let him know what I wanted to do. He said he supported whatever decision I made.
I spent 2 days thinking about this dog. I came to a conclusion after talking with my mom. I decided this pup didn’t belong with me. A rottweiler his age still needed training, he would need a little rehab, the chance of him blowing his acl in his other leg was high as well as the other complications that come with tripods in the future such as arthritis. He needed more than I could give him. I had to be realistic. I have a very mobile toddler who requires 90% of my attention and Freya has made such great progress behavior wise that I fear bringing a new dog in will jeopardize that (she had a problem with being destructive and peeing in the house which all ended when Odin crossed over). In the end, I couldn’t make this boy a priority and he deserves a home that can do that for him. Also, at the end of the day, he wasn’t Odin and that is what I really wanted. Bringing him into our home would be for selfish reasons even though I have the experience with both his breed and condition. I reached out to the rescue anyway just to see if he would be at the adoption event coming up, I thought maybe I could bring him something and that meeting him might help my aching heart. The rescue told me he wouldn’t be there but that he had several applications for adoption coming in, so that made me feel so much better about my decision.
I think this whole scenario was just a way for the Universe, or perhaps Odin, to tell me things were okay. It solidified that getting another dog wasn’t right for me at this time, it wasn’t going to make things better or help me move on right now.
I still miss him so much.
Happy Birthday, Big Guy
This entry was posted on Friday, March 23rd, 2018 at 7:09 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
2:33 pm on March 24th, 2018
Sitting next to Beau, my rottie who has osteosarcoma and who had his right rear leg amputated 10 days ago. I cry as I read this, I cry when I read everyone’s story when they lose their dog to this which almost every one does. Beau is my 6th Rottweiler but my first to get osteosarcoma. No need for cancer to understand the heaviness of grief, however. I understand exactly how you are feeling. I have been there. These losses are so intense and can take so long to resolve into ways that let us move on somehow. Odin was stunning. I am so sorry you lost him so young.
I too live in Minnesota and have been to the U. Beau isn’t a candidate for their study on the vaccine because he had a pathological fracture in his tibia at the tumor site. Beau will be 10 in May. I know I have been very lucky, he has had a full life. I lost his brother when he was only three. I don’t know if I will try chemo. His stitches come out this Tuesday.
I guess seeing this today and you mentioned MN and Rottweiler so I wanted to write. I truly believe they are in a good place, they are not suffering anymore and they don’t need us anymore. We love them and take such amazing care of them while they are with us. We do everything we can for them and they feel our love and companionship. Many people in this world have so much less. Odin had your love and companionship, it was all he knew. That is a beautiful thing.