Odin

1 Year

I haven’t posted since Odin’s birthday. Every time I wanted to I just thought ‘Why? I just write the same stuff every time in different ways’. Today I really felt the need to post something. One year ago today I found Odin in his bed unresponsive. It was the worst day of my life. Since that moment my mind has obsessed over him every day for 365 days. I think about him when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when it’s quiet, when it’s loud. I think of him every damn time I see another dog. I’m still so freaking lost without him.

This year I participated in the American Humane Society’s Walk for Animals. I created a team in Odin’s honor. We were “Odin’s Valkyries”. My dear friend Holly created shirts for us to wear and we were able to raise some money in his name and Tyr participated in the walk with me. For my birthday I asked people to donate money to the Tripawds foundation as a gift and I raised a heck of a lot more than I thought I would. I figured no one would donate so you can imagine the look on my face when the fundraiser closed with a total of $255.00.

Last night Tommy and I went to an amazing birthday party for a close friend who is mom to Freya’s litter mate. I was able to spend some quality time with him which was so incredibly wonderful. We got home a little late and I sent Tommy to bed and told him I would let the dogs out to potty. Once everyone was back inside and in their respective places for the night, I went into the living room just to sit for a few minutes in silence. I looked at Odin’s urn and just thought about the final words I spoke to him and the final goodnight hug and kiss. After a few minutes I decided I just needed to go to bed or I would sit there all night wallowing in grief. As I shut the lamp off I heard barking, but it didn’t sound like the neighbor dog. I realized it was the puzzle my mom had bought my daughter. There are about 8 different animals on it and when you match the puzzle piece to it’s space the animal will make a noise. I turned the lamp back on then shut it off again and once more the puzzle made the barking sound. I figure the light had something to do with it, but I couldn’t help thinking Odin was sending me some sort of sign that he was near. Maybe I’m a wack job and just desperate for some kind of connection, but it was a weird experience either way. Of all the animals on that puzzle, the dog noise was set off.

This morning I woke up feeling great. It was weird not to feel the immense sadness I was expecting. Around 10:30 I was making a grocery list when Tommy asked if I wanted to do anything special for Odin today……..and that was it. The floodgates opened. The rush of emotion that flooded my brain was too much. Poor Tommy was not expecting that reaction, I’m sure, but he just hugged me while I ugly cried into his shirt. I cried a little on the way to the store, there were a few moments I had to go hide in the tupperware aisle so I could let a few tears drop without attracting any attention and then my dad texted me asking if today was Odin’s anniversary which sent me into another tailspin. That’s when I decided I needed to write out a blog entry….and yes I’m currently sobbing as I type this out.  The pain is still very real, I’m still coping every day. I hope that somewhere in the near future it won’t hurt as bad. I just wasn’t ready for him to go.

I miss him.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 19th, 2018 at 8:21 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.