After the x-rays Odin started his antibiotics to fight the pneumonia and he responded very well to them. His cough was gone within a few days, but his breaths were still shallow. He lost interest in eating his kibble so I opted for something better. I began mixing canned food in with it and he perked up but never finished the bowl. He would start eating then suddenly stop as if it made him sick. I didn’t push it on him but always left it out. I could tell getting up to move about was tiring for him. There were only 2 more episodes of blood dripping from his nose and then it stopped.
The past couple of days Odin was tiring faster. He would make it to the garage to go outside and then he’d lay down. I’ve spent a lot of time picking him up and helping him out to go potty. His gums and tongue were still so pale. I began worrying about internal bleeding. I brought him to work with me yesterday afternoon to re-run his bloodwork and see where we were at compared to last week. His PCV had dropped to 22%. Upon examination his belly did not show the signs of a ruptured organ. His doctor said it was very possible that the cancer was killing off his red blood cells which would explain the pale gums and shortness of breath. I sent out blood for a CBC and full chemistry and took him home.
Odin died this morning.
I came downstairs at about 7:00 AM and he wasn’t lying in the kitchen. I looked into the den and he wasn’t in the doorway. I started my coffee, stared at the doorway to the den for a while then decided I needed to just go in there. It was going to be fine, he was going to be lying on his bed waiting for me to come get him up to go potty.
He was lying on his bed. I called his name, he didn’t move. My heart started pounding as I yelled his name, then screamed it. He didn’t move. I walked quickly towards him then turned around and walked out of the room. My hands were trembling so much as I tried to call my husband and then my mom, I nearly dropped my phone. My husband is out of town on a trip with his friends, he is two hours behind so he was sleeping, I called my brother in law hoping he would pick up but he was also sleeping. I called my mom immediately after and as I was telling her what happened I felt like I was going to vomit and I became light headed.
After what felt like an hour, but was really only a few minutes, my brother in law called me back and then woke my husband up so I could talk to him. I told him the news and ran through my plan of what I was going to do. He was absolutely heartbroken. I told him I had it under control, not to worry and try to not let it ruin his trip.
After I hung up I went to get the baby so she could have her morning bottle. I sat on my couch in silence as she drank. I saw a car pull up in my driveway, assuming it was my mom, I got up to answer the door. My aunt was standing there. My mom had called her because it was going to take 40 minutes for her to get to me and she knew I needed someone to just take control. I handed my daughter over to her then finished making my coffee. We sat on the couch until my mom arrived.
After letting Freya and Tyr come in to see him, I wrapped Odin’s puppy blanket around him and the 3 of us moved him into my car. I drove him to my work where my co worker helped me carry him in on a stretcher. I took a few minutes to make a paw print that I will be getting tattooed on my ankle tomorrow.
I ran my fingers through his fur one last time and buried my face in his neck as I hugged him tight.
Then I said goodbye.
The emptiness I feel right now is beyond anything I could ever put into words. The pain I feel is crippling. Everytime I turn around he’s not there. I walk into the den and his bed is gone. What am I supposed to do now? He’s gone. I will never be able to kiss him again, I’ll never get to pet him again, I’ll never get to hug him again. What am I supposed to do? I’ll never hear the pitter patter of him gimping around the house again.
I miss him so much. So freaking much.
I feel so lost without him.
This entry was posted on Saturday, August 19th, 2017 at 9:10 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
3:43 am on August 20th, 2017
I can’t believe it. I am so, so very sorry to hear about Odin. I know you must be in shock, I’m in shock. I am so sorry that you were there by yourself but glad that you had family that could get there right away. I know how much you love Odin -how could you not love that big beautiful guy. You have done so much for Odin and he knew how much you loved him. It is impossible to know the path of this awful disease but you took all the information and your training and made the right decisions for Odin every day. I’m just so sorry you lost your guy. I love the paw print tattoo idea I’m sure that will be a comfort to you. I hope that every hour and every day will be a little better for you as the pain is replaced slowly by the wonderful memories of your guy. I also hope that you will continue to share pictures and stories about Odin- I think it will help you and all of us that have fallen hard for your sweet Odin.
Sending hugs and love,
❤️Amy & Rusty
1:13 pm on August 20th, 2017
I’m so sorry. I know how much you loved him. He was very blessed to be yours. You did so much for him and I have NO DOUBT that he knew how very loved he was. I’m always here to listen when you need to talk. I think the paw print is a great idea. Hugs, hugs, hugs.
2:32 pm on August 22nd, 2017
My heart hurts for you and your family! Know this entire tripawd nation cries with you! Your boy remains with you in spirit. The stars are but openings to heaven where the light of our loved ones are able to shine down on us. Tonight go pick the brightest star out there and let your beautiful boys light and love shine down on you and feel your boys spirit. Fly free new Angel!
Linda & Spirit Mighty Max
1:29 am on August 23rd, 2017
I’m so sorry. This is just devastating. I can’t think of what more to say … there just are no words.
My heart breaks for you.
2:11 am on August 24th, 2017
I am so so sorry to hear about Odin. My heart hurts and is breaking for you. This is the part of the journey that is the hardest for all of us because it is so personal. 🙁
run free Odin.
hugs
Michelle & Angel Sassy
6:22 pm on August 24th, 2017
It’s taken me several days to respond. Amy (Rusty’s Mom) posted a link to this blog, this devastating blog, knowing that many of us had missed it. I immediately came over here, yet was too crushed to find any words.
I’m still crying and I still have no words. What you have been through just breaks my heart for you. We ALL hurt when you lose a family member. We ALL feel the pain of that loss. We ALL understand the void, the break of routine when you are no longer a caregiver for your loved one. And none of us can do a thing to take the pain away.
And while the way sweet Odin transitioned was unbearably hard on you to say the least, it was the way Odin wanted it. He was at home, in his bed, surrounded by everything and everyone he loved. He was not at a Vet veing poked and prodded, he was not among strangers. He was home with you in a calm and peaceful loving setting.
Jerry always reminds us when our dogs cross over, it’s just a blink of an eye compared to all the thousands of woonderful happy days shared. And goodness knows, Odin sharing soooo many happy memories with you!!!
You WILL feel Odin’s presence. He WILL make his energy known to you! Your grief is so heavy right now that he may not be able ro get through to you. Pay attention. He’s there.
For now, just go from one minute to the next. That’s all you can do. Your world has stopped and you are stuck in a state of devastating thst feels like it will never stop. Your grief will a@ways be there, but it WILL eventually lessen as it’s replaced with one happy memory after another. PROMISE.
in the meantime, hold onto us okay? You are surrounded by people who understand your bond, your love and your grief. While our hearts break with yours, we also celebrate the life of this ADORABLE pup who lept into our hearts with his first post…and first photo!
Odin touched us all and he will NEVER be forgotten here! His life mattered ro us and to everyone he met!
Surrounding you with love and hugs
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie